Stuck but Not Powerless: How to Stay Safe When You Can’t Leave (Yet)

Let’s be real—if leaving an unsafe situation were as easy as packing a bag, grabbing the kids, and dramatically slamming the door like in the movies, you’d probably be halfway down the highway by now, windows down, Beyoncé blasting. But life isn’t a Lifetime movie. Sometimes, you’re financially dependent on your husband. Sometimes, you’ve got kids to consider. Sometimes, it’s just not safe—or possible—to leave right now.

But here’s the truth: just because you can’t leave immediately doesn’t mean you’re powerless.

Recognizing the Need for Safety

Abuse isn’t always a black eye. It can be emotional, financial, spiritual, verbal—you name it. If you’re walking on eggshells, constantly anxious about your partner’s reactions, or feeling trapped, that’s your gut waving a giant red flag like it’s trying to land a plane. Listen to it.

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” — Proverbs 22:3

Translation? God gave you instincts for a reason. Don’t ignore them.

Step 1: Document Everything (Yes, EVERYTHING)

Start quietly documenting any abusive behavior:

• Keep a journal (hidden, of course) with dates, times, and specific incidents.

• Take photos if there’s physical evidence.

• Save threatening texts, emails, or voicemails somewhere safe—like sending them to a trusted friend or saving them in a hidden cloud folder.

No, you’re not being dramatic. You’re being smart.

Step 2: Your "Just in Case" Plan (Because Hope Isn’t a Strategy)

If you can’t leave today, plan for the day you can. Here’s what to consider:

• Pack a Go Bag: Include copies of important documents (IDs, birth certificates, bank info), cash, medications, keys, and clothes for you and the kids. Hide it somewhere safe—or leave it with someone you trust.

• Create Code Words: Teach your kids a simple code word that means, “Get help.” Share a code word with a friend or family member too.

• Memorize Important Numbers: In case you lose access to your phone, know key numbers by heart.

And yes, I know this sounds like spy stuff—but when safety’s on the line, it pays to be prepared.

Step 3: Financial Safety 101

If you’re financially dependent, start small:

• Open a secret bank account if it’s safe to do so.

• Stash emergency cash—even a few dollars at a time adds up.

• Look for remote work opportunities if possible (because financial freedom = options).

“She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” — Proverbs 31:16

You may feel stuck right now, but you’re resourceful. That’s part of your God-given strength.

Step 4: Get Support (Because Isolation Is the Abuser’s Favorite Tool)

Abuse thrives in silence. Find people you trust—a friend, family member, pastor, or support group. And if your circle is more judgmental than helpful, find someone who actually gets it.

Hotlines can be lifesavers:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (US): 1-800-799-7233

• Or search for local resources in your area.

  
  

But What About Submission? (Yes, We’re Going There)

Ah, the classic: “Wives, submit to your husbands…” (Ephesians 5:22). This verse gets thrown around like confetti at a wedding, usually without the crucial context. Guess what the very next part says?

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25

Submission doesn’t mean enduring abuse. Jesus never asked anyone to submit to sin, control, or harm. Jesus flipped tables when people were being exploited. Think about that the next time someone tells you to “just be more submissive.”

How I Can Help You Through This

If you’re reading this with a knot in your stomach, wondering, “Is this me?”—I see you. I get it. And you’re not alone.

At Shelley Ann Coaching, I help women just like you:

• Recognize unhealthy patterns without second-guessing yourself

• Create practical safety plans that fit your unique situation

• Set boundaries rooted in both wisdom and faith

• Rebuild your confidence after it’s been chipped away

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just need the next step—and I’m here to walk with you through it. You’re stronger than you feel, wiser than you think, and worthy of safety, love, and respect.

Worried about finances? I offer a sliding scale because your safety and healing shouldn’t be limited by money. Just reach out through my contact page, and we’ll work something out. You’re not alone in this—I’ve got you.