You’re Not Overreacting: The Invisible Wounds of Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal trauma is like getting hit by an emotional freight train—except there’s no wreckage for anyone to see. No cast, no crutches, not even a dramatic neck brace to scream, “Hey, I’ve been through something catastrophic here.” Instead, you’re out in the world, pretending to function, while inside you’re thinking, “Why does that Instagram influencer in a bikini feel like a personal attack? And did that perfume ad just try to ruin my entire day?”

Because here’s the thing: betrayal doesn’t stay neatly contained. It bleeds into everything—Target runs, scrolling through social media, even watching a toothpaste commercial where the couple is way too happy about oral hygiene. A woman in a bikini? Trigger. A song that reminds you of “your song” with him? Trigger. Even something random like his favorite cereal in the grocery aisle can feel like a gut punch. You’re not crazy; your brain is just scanning for danger like it’s been programmed by a hyper-paranoid security system.

This isn’t just “being sensitive.” It’s your nervous system reacting to betrayal the same way it would to any other trauma. Betrayal trauma can mirror the effects of PTSD—and that’s not just an opinion. Research shows that people who experience betrayal trauma often have symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder, including intrusive thoughts, avoidance behaviors, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness (MindWell NYC). A study in the Journal of Traumatic Stress found that interpersonal traumas involving betrayal are linked to complex PTSD symptoms in both women and men (PubMed). In fact, betrayal has been uniquely predictive of the severity of PTSD-related symptoms like avoidance and emotional numbing (PMC).

Your brain’s job is to protect you, which is why it flips out when it sees anything remotely connected to the betrayal. That woman on the beach? Your brain says, “She looks like one of the photos you found on his phone—CODE RED.” Even if that poor woman is just trying to enjoy her day, suddenly she’s the face of every bad decision he ever made and is now your new threat.

And let’s not forget the joy of public places—where you can’t exactly yell, “OH LOOK, ANOTHER TRIGGER,” without security getting involved. Instead, you smile politely while internally spiraling, wondering if you’ll ever feel normal again. Spoiler alert: you will. But it takes time, healing, and sometimes the strategic use of humor because, honestly, it’s either laugh or cry… and you’ve already done enough crying to hydrate a small cactus.

You’re not overreacting. You’re wounded. Your brain is trying to make sense of a betrayal it never saw coming. And while healing won’t erase every trigger, it will help you face them without feeling like you need to crawl under the nearest table. You’ve survived the worst part—now it’s about learning how to live again. If you would like help in navigating and healing from these complex wounds get in touch with me today.